Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
