I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
