I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize