McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
