So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
