(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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