If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
