soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
