Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
