So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
