He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
