there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
