I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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