So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
