Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
