he shaved USA in his pubs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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