Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
farters have to be the big spoon...
You smell like stripper and shame
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize