it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
