i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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