its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have aggressive nipples.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
