i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
