wanna go halves on a baby?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
