i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
