My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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