Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
