"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
