hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
