Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
