i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
