never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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