Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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