you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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