I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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