I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
