Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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