also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize