Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
