she looked like the before picture.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
