So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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