Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
