We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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