I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
