I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm determined to sit on that face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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