Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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