Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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