margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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