I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize