He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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