It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
