I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
