for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We just shotgunned beers for America
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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