never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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