quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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