woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's like heaven, but drunker
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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