i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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