I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
