I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
