you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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