ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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