don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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