Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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