Only a mothe r could love this liver
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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