Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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