I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
