he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize