I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dicks are not precious.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
