Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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