Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
