I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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