D3 body, D1 cock
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
