Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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