Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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