just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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