Don't you send me to vm
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
