you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
