And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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