i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
