U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize