i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
