I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
