So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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