I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
