Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
