I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
