I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
