She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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