I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
