dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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