You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
