The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
